The Speed of Dark

Orbit Books, 2002
Intended Audience: Adult
Sexual content: Mild
Ace/Genderqueer characters: ?
Rating: PG-13 for brief discussion of sexual organs, brief language and violence
Writing style: 5/5
Likable characters: 4/5
Plot/Concepts: 4/5

Lou Arrendale was born too early to have his autism taken away. He did receive other interventions and now lives a fairly independent life. When his new boss tries to force him and his fellow autistic coworkers to try a new treatment which could make them "normal", Lou must decide whether his current self is worth fighting for—does he want to join the ranks of those "normal" people who cannot see the patterns he does, but also do not struggle to speak under stress? To what extent can people's minds be changed before they are no longer themselves?

The science fiction aspect of this book is very subtle. Lou lives in a world almost identical to ours—a world which could become a reality within the next decade or so, depending on what medical breakthroughs unfold. The primary difference is that many diseases and disorders began to be cured at birth a few years after Lou was born, so that he and his fellows are the last generation of autistic adults. Treatments are also available to extend people's lifespans, although they are still expensive, which suggests that the technology hasn't been around long enough to become commonplace.

The possibility of such a future being close at hand is part of what makes this story so gripping even though it's not a typical sci-fi adventure of epic proportions. Many pages are dedicated to describing Lou's everyday thoughts and struggles, from going to the grocery store to doing the laundry, and his constant awareness of how he must tailor his own behavior so that others will not be uncomfortable. These parts are told in first person, in careful, complete sentences, textbook-like in its lack of contractions and yet abstract and poetic as well. I got a clear sense of just how perceptive Lou is, even while he is constantly pointing out that this or that behavior in another person is baffling to him. The feeling of being constantly unsure about other people's reactions is very clear, and presented in a way that does not belittle its severity but is still very relatable to me. I found myself remembering ways of thinking I had as a child and adolescent that I had already forgotten—times when I managed to get by in the world just by guessing what others meant, and sometimes getting it wrong, and often wondering how much of what went on in my head was foreign to other people. It's hard to describe in a few short sentences, but reading so much from Lou's point of view felt like it caused an actual shift in my way of thinking and perceiving the world for several hours after I turned the last page.

Since the author is the mother of an autistic child, and I have almost no direct in-person experience with autism, I have no choice but to trust that how she presents Lou and his autism is fairly accurate from her point of view. I have read another book, nonfiction, by a mother of a boy with Asperger's, and there are many parallels between that boy's behavior and Lou's. I appreciate that Moon dedicates so much of this book to the question of whether autism is something which can or needs to be "cured". I didn't realize just how awful a question this is until Lou has to ask it of himself—is his current identity, which he has spent so much time developing, undesirable and in need of healing? Then again she also presents it from another angle: if given the chance to become more than what you are, should you not take it? All of this is framed in the context of where autistic people fit into the social and economic structures of the world, and even religious thought. Lou is depicted as an individual who truly thinks for himself, despite all his years of being trained to accommodate other people's ideas of how he should act and think. As such we are able to follow his decision making process, something I found pretty heart-wrenching and also heart-warming.

There are many important people in Lou's life, and all of them feel distinct and interesting, from the fencing group he goes to on Wednesday nights, to the pastor at his church, to his awful new boss Mr. Crenshaw. The characterization was one of my favorite parts of this book, and in a way it extends to atmospheres and environments as well, everything described in great but concise detail as Lou notices patterns in the parking lot, or the furniture of an office, or the tiles on a hallway floor. There is a sense of space and of movement through Lou's world which is extremely well executed, and also of sensory input through sounds and smells and textures. All of this pulls the reader into Lou's mind, so that while reading I was in danger of missing bus stops several times, shocked to look up and find myself in my own life. The plot was also frighteningly believable, in that we know the sorts of prejudice and even violence which Lou deals with have been and are a part of some people's lives, simply because others take issue with their differences on an individual as well as a general social or corporate level.

Lou does not seem very concerned with gender outside of giving people what he has been taught are the proper labels—for instance, calling someone a woman rather than a female is, he thinks, more polite and correct. Near the beginning of the book he was easy to read as asexual because he has a hard time defining whether he feels as others normally would toward Marjory, the girl he likes. He remembers how repulsed he was when learning about how sex works, and how he has never wanted to do anything like that with anyone. His feelings begin to change a bit to where it seems clearer to him that he might want to do something like that with Marjory, but it's not allowed (in his mind) because of his autism. Even at that point we might easily conclude that Lou is on the spectrum of asexuality, since the language is vague, but it could go either way. I appreciated the fact that the book never seemed to imply that either his sexuality or lack thereof is something to be concerned about.

It took me about two days to get through this book, because I didn't want to put it down. I thought about it any time I wasn't reading and the ending tied me up in all sorts of knots. I'm still processing whether I think Lou made the right choice, or if there even is a right choice in that situation. I know that part of my discomfort is because I have similar questions about my own identity. From what I've observed, asexuals often feel the same sort of doubt Lou faces. People are always telling us what we're missing out on by being asexual, telling us that if we could be cured we would be much happier and enjoy a richer life experience. Meanwhile we try to remind ourselves that we are who we are, and our asexuality provides room for a unique perspective, perhaps a deeper or less biased perspective in some cases, as with Lou's ability to see patterns and to take people's words at face value without reading too much into them. We have our own ways of loving others which are just as valid. Lou has his own ways of relating to people and caring about them, which sometimes makes him more forgiving or kind or fair than "normal" people would be.

Is not everyone an individual, with their own brain and their own strengths and weaknesses? And that is the crux of the problem. It is on each of us to decide who we want to be—no one else can decide what "normal" is for us. The lesson I have learned from Lou, I think, is that our only concern should be whether something is holding us back from being all we want to be. If it is not, then no one else has a right to force that change on us. Sorting out whether our restlessness with ourselves is our own, and was not pushed on us by wanting to please others, is the most difficult part. I could say more, but I want to allow the book to speak for itself, and the reader to come to their own conclusions. Suffice it to say that I can see how The Speed of Dark might be quite controversial in the discussion it generates, because the questions it asks strike very close to home for anyone who has been told they are not "normal".